Do you have to write thank you notes?
Ugh! Everyone who goes through a wedding enjoys the bountiful heaps of wedding and shower gifts, but detests the thank you note responsibility. The reason we have to go through this torture? To let the guests know that you have received their gift and how much you like it. If you do not send a thank you note your guest can only assume that the gift was lost (in which case they will try to hunt it down through the mailing process) or will assume that you did not like their gift (in which case they will be highly offended). It is really amazing how three or four lines written on a card can ease someone's mind and make them feel you really appreciated their gift.

A few rules
The rules concerning thank you notes are simple.

1) You must send all thank you notes for wedding gifts no later than three months after your wedding.

2) You must explicitly identify the gift and you must say something positive about it.

3) Gifts opened in front of the giver (i.e. most shower gifts) do not necessitate a thank you note, but one is usually expected.

4) All thank you notes must be handwritten.

5) Traditionally, the bride wrote all the thank you notes because she was considered the social secretary (this is no longer a strict rule).

6) NEVER tell a guest that you are going to or have returned their gift!

Some helpful hints
Usually the hardest gifts to write thank you notes for are the cash/check gift and the formalware pieces that were on your registry. When writing a thank you note for money, avoid using the monetary amount -- they remember how much they gave. Then tell them what you will spend the money on -- preferably something you wanted for a long time. If your guest gave you $200 and what you bought cost $500 or $1000, don't bother them with such details. Make it seem as though their gift enabled you to buy the item.

For thank you notes for formalware pieces it is often difficult not to flatter the pattern itself (i.e. "what a beautiful plate!"), but you must restrain yourself because YOU chose the pattern. Instead, focus on what you want to use it for. Example: Bobby and I were delighted to receive your gift! The place setting will enable us to have romantic dinners together using our formalware.